He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
