Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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