Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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