If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
