So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
