I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
