...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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