I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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