Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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