Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize