worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
