So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
