I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
