Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
