OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I wear drunk well.
Randomize