I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
