you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
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