I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
