you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
