Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
