you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
