You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
