and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
