Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
