Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
