I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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