So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
