Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
