Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
