...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
