Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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