If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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