so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
