apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
