and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You need Xanax blowdarts
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
