Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm passing your future prison.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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