You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
