hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
