JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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