The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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