Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
