The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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