is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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