im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
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