We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
