the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
