We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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