Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
