My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
