Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
