i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
