But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
