I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
