This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
