I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
