I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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