Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
