Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
