Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
a search helicopter?!
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
