Your dad touched me again.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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