Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
