Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
