I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
