woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize