i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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