You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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