Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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