capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
