I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
