He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
