areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
