I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
