i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
